i can't tell you how upset i am now. . .


i'm just super SAD and depressed.. .


thruout the whole bus trip. .i was just staring into space and stoning. .


how can such thing happen . .i've beginning to feel tat the world is such an unfair PLACE..


hmmm..recently there's this sudden upsurge of death of my loved ones. .

1st..it was kirsten's dad. . i was initially quite shocked to find out that kirst's dad passed away . .and it was only this year that i knew about it. . she kept it a long tym. . .and i only knew it from her sis.. .so i din't managed to attend his wake. .

i was quite upset with the fact that kirst.didn't tell me.. and in particular the whole cell such an impt thing. . .i mean YEPS..IT'S SO IMPT. . HOW COME YOU DIN'T BOTHER TO TELL US. . WHATEVER. .THE REASON IS. .WE ARE STILL YOUR SPIRITUAL FAMILY. .WE STILL LOVE YOU AND EVERYTHING. .WE CARE FER U..and most imptly. . i wanna at least bade farewell to your dad..

and if you have a chance to read this blogpost. .I JUST WANNA TELL YOU . .THAT THE CELL IS ALWAYS BE YOUR SIDE. . AND IF YOU HAVE ANY PERSONAL STUFFS OR PROBLEMS.. YOU CAN ALWAYS TURN TO US. . :)


2nd. .

HMM.. .yupp..the death note..struck my mom. .to tell ya the truth. . i was very very shocked. . that my mom just left lyke that. . i've never knew that she was going to leave so soon. . i was not prepared at all . GOd din't give any warning. . .it was only 1 week b4 she complained of stomach-cramps..and dizziness. . and of serious breathlessness..

she admitted to hospital. .ON..the family nite rehearsal dae. . i rmbred so clearly..cuz the last tym we had a proper conv.. .was when i asked her how to use the lipgloss that she bought fer me a few daes again. . she was teaching me how to make-up and i can still rmbr vividly. . the scene,..it's lyke a memory forever ethched in my mind. .

and the next dae. .she was admitted to hospital cuz she was feeeling very tired and unwell..

she did a ct scan and found out that her cancer had spread to the 4 th stage. .in the begininng, my siblings and I weren't much affected by the results.. we thought that she can survive the ordeal just like that. .but it seemed like now. .the lord was seriously going to take her back..

when i visited her in the hospital..it was racial harmony dae. . i see her lying on the hospital bed..looking so lifeless and pale. . she spoke with much difficulty. . saying that we've had to work hard and listen to the elders. .what i only rmbred was that the whole family cried and cried. .

it was the only tym that i cried loudly and in front of her. . i couldn't help it. .it was the 1st tym that i saw my mother looking so helpless and desperate.. .


and the next visits to the hospital..i just chatted with my mom..talked and talked..when she was too tired to talk..i just sit there looking at her. . and she just sat looking at us. . .touching our faces.s.probably trying to rmbr how we look lyke. . she LOOKED really sad. .and desperate. .everytym we visit her. . i 'll keep praying that the lord will not take her away. .


on the dae that passed away. .my bro..me.. my dad and aunty. .with my maid(aunite cita)..went to the hospital..

this tym..my mom's breathing was very heavy. .and we were very worried..cuz the situation didn't look very cheerful//and flame was coming out of her mouth more frequently than ever.

suddenly/.the bloody flame just gushing out and out. .we actually wanted to take our leave at 10.30..but we stayed on to help her clear out the mess..



it was just then..that her breathing stopped. . the machine stopped beeping for a moment. . and i panicked..literally. .


my aunty..looked very calm..and told us perhaps that she had already gone up with the lord.. i was momentarily shocked. .


how could this happen..after long hours of desperate prayer..why had this happen..i hadn't o much fer my mom at ALL..in fact the last daes iin earth..i had angered. her.. stressed her out,..cuz i myself was very stressed with schoolwork and choir perf. .and den i coudlnt' sleep at nite. . felt lyke i was gg crazy..keep complaining to her. . stressing her at nite..esp when in couldn't sleep . .

den i felt i din't do much to make her feel happier on earth,. .


for a moment . i felt so lost.. that my world had just collapsed. .



after a few daes..i tot a lot .and realised that perhaps.. that i should remain strong and to continue to press on in life.. esp in studies.. and do her proud..cuz that's wad mom wanted as her last wish..fer us to do well in studies and obtained outstanding results fer her..most imptly.she wanted me to continue to remain in IP..so that i won't have to transfer to o'level track.


YUPPP>.and that was why i studied really hard fer EOYS>.my mom is my main motivation..

and therefore i wann to work extra hard fer her..

yeps..my mom wil always live in my heart..she will..


:)


even tho..she obviously will not be able to read this POSt..

but i just wann her to neo that i really LOVE HER>
yeps..

i din't get a chance to say that..even during her last daes/

and i also want to HUG her. .


hmm.,.reminds me of cajing when she wanted to hug shin..except that she managed to HUG him..hais.


3rd..


(why do i seem to be posting obituries.??,hah)

chrislyn's cousin..


from wad i heard from x/lyn..he wasn't a christian when he passed away..and i coudl telel that chrislyn was really upset. . .i MEAN tym is running OUT.. .and that we have no tym left. .

our loved ones are leaving us. .the gospel has to be spread. . the word of God has to be spread. .so that the love of God can be spread to those who are desperate of light admist the darkness and disaster.s.

4)

aunna's dad..

actually nxt week is aunna's BD./. and the news of Aunna's dad passing away 2dae.. was a big shock to us.. it's lyke the devil attacking us..bcuz we were busy preparing aunna's bd party..and perf.. and it's lyke her dad's death came so untimely. .WHY..it's just so ironic.,.life it is..


sometimes..death is always a reminder to treasure our loved ones..and to rmbr to keep doing Gods' work..because it seems so much more impt and urgent...


:)